10.21.2005

Today or tomorrow?

After hanging out with my friend Jen last night, I just realized something especially elating. Friends are wonderful. They help us not only relate to the world we are in, but they help us relate to ourselves - to see the inner sanctum of who we are and what we mean to the world. I realize this is a silly subject to write about, but I am determined to make some sense of my life here. I have been blessed with a large quantity of completely fantastic individuals that comprise my friends. My father used to say that you will only ever be able to count your "friends" on one hand. In my case, I have to say my dad was wrong. He was never close to anyone in his life and even struggled to keep a closeness with my mom due to the loss of his identical twin. My mom and I read excerpts from a book about it in order to bring some sort of closure about the man we all loved to much. My father could get so angry. Not in any harmful way; just a way that let us know he was carrying pain inside. He was sick and in so much pain, but the largest amount of pain he carried was the loss of Dale.

Since I never had that kind of pain, I feel lucky in that I have always been able to open up and relate to those people I trust. I trust a lot of people, and perhaps that might be dangerous to some, but it hasnever been that way for me. I can count my friends on both hands and both feet. I am filled with their love and care, and I hope to fill them with mine. There are people in my life that I meet and know they will be an integral part of my life. Eva, for example. She and I knew we'd be best friends from the moment one of us dropped a pencil in class (I'm not sure which of us,) and the other picked it up. "Hey, I'm Eva" came out and we were attached from that moment on. Sometimes when either of us are especially sad or down, the other calls, as if we felt their need for us rising. After talking to Jen over tea and letting out tidbits of emotions in stories and grasping some sort of understanding about our town, our world from one another, we left feeling especially grand about letting go and letting out. Feelings, opinions, stories... they come rushing through us and we tell them to each other as if for the first time. But they're not the first time, and nor will they be the last. They are all part of this universal language of closeness. We desire to be close to something we can label as "real." That's what friends are: Real. And in their presence we feel real, and it feels amazing. Closest thing to a daily ritual I will have: connect to a friend today. Change our world tomorrow.

4 Comments:

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10/31/2005 2:40 AM  
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11/01/2005 12:46 PM  

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